The ways in which we trick ourselves…

AKA my new self-stimulus plan!

Here’s the deal:  I love fabric.  I’m addicted to it.  But my storage unit is getting full and my pocketbook is running low.  So I can’t be buying fabric and sewing things willy-nilly these days.  Also, I really need to dedicate my time to actually sewing up what I have. 

Also, I’m overweight, but more importantly, pretty darn out of shape with quite a few unhealthy habits.  I need a way to build new habits and reward myself with something other than food. 

So, I have decided that I now need to earn my money that I spend on Fabric, new patterns, and sewing classes.  Here is my new deal with myself:

I will earn $1 towards fabric/patterns/etc every time I accomplish one of the following:

1.  Loose a pound

2.  Loose an inch off of my thighs, waist, or hip measurements.

3.  Complete a 30 min or longer workout.

4.  Go a full day without eating any junk/sugary/trigger foods (Especially coffee, ice cream, pizza, candy bars, etc)

I will reward myself with double dollars for any of these that is completed during a tech week, as that is when I have a tendency to eat really badly/not take care of myself. 

I will also earn $5 if I go down a jeans pants size. 


Now I just need a fun (and easy) way to track this money that I earn so that I know what/when I can spend it!  Any tips?


Here are the current Items that I most want to earn ASAP, especially before Christmas!

This online class:

And this pattern, provided I can ever find it again:

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Day 5 (582 days til…): Achievable actions

None of these can really be put into action until I am back from my PDX vacation on Sept 11, but a plan before hand could maybe help me to dive in.

1.  Start attending this:    First one I can go to: Sept 13, shortly after I get back from PDX.

2.  Make Wed afternoon a Me day.  That would mean that Mom would have to agree to not ask me to do stuff on Wednesdays after I get off from work.  And I would have to not schedule anything on Wednesdays other than bare minimum work.  That would give me one whole afternoon, a good 6-8 hours when i could work on a project uninterrupted.  Since getting large chunks of time seems to be one of my biggest problems, what with only one day off an all, this seems like it could be a solution.

3.  Make it a point to schedule a hiking day once a month, preferably on my day off (Monday).  This will take a bit of planning, but is doable.

4.  Look into Crossfit and decide to either drop the gym membership or figure out an activity to do 3 times a week.

I think this is enough for now.  Trying to do too many things at once always leads to disaster for me.  This is probably even too much for one month, but I’ll give it a whirl.

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Day 4: 583 days til I turn 30


I think that many of my efforts to change things in my life are do to the fact that I long to belong to a Community, and do not feel like I do currently.  I long to be a part of a group of people and a place that support me and understand me.  That encourage me to grow and become a better version of me, but that accept me for who I am right now.

I also long to be a part of something that has a history, and that works together to achieve something great than all of us.

The glib answer in me is that is what the church should be, but there are so many ways in which that is easier said than done.  Also, I have no idea where I could or would actually fit in a church community.  Or in God’s plan.  Or in the Kingdom.

The nostalgia part of me says that I was part of a community in PDX, but then I wonder, “was I really?  Did I genuinely allow myself that freedom?”

I went to see a Show at Barnyard Theatre in Davis.  And I think that they have built for themselves a great community.  It’s local, and clearly everyone there enjoys themselves.  i don’t know how much support they provide for each other over the year, but each summer they come together to tell great stories the best way that they can.  And have some fun in the process.  At least, thats how I imagine them to be.  And it’s fantastic and totally what I long for, in theatre and in life.  Not having to make all the decisions, but the ability to actually have a say in decisions and be respected.  And not fear for loosing my job or what I say get repeated badly.  Safety.  And nourishment.  And some Damn Good Fun.

Part of me is scared, because making a community is violent.  it involves choosing one thing over another.  In involves putting down roots, and not being able to run away when the going gets hard.  It requires both confidence and vulnerability in spades.  It requires shutting up, putting out, and making someplace my Home.

Part of me longs for the idea of growing up in a place, falling in love there, having a family in that same place.  And it repeating for generations.  You would have a visual and visceral history to connect to.  But at the same time I love travel and the way it can shape people. Bring new ideas to light.  And while I love my family, I seem to have rejected much of the rest of my childhood that would allow for that kind of connection.

Community seems to be part of while my “by 30” goals are about.  Really, but 30 I want to have a community that I am a part of that supports my faith and creativity and helps me to make healthy choices.  I want a church and small group, I want to be physically healthy enough to be outdoorsy and meet people that way, and I want to not feel so bogged down by money, and have the mental and emotional freedom to create that community and invite them into my home.  And the most fantastic thing would be if these communities were all fluid and bled into each other.  My goals are all ways to meet people and hopefully create that community, but I’m not really sure they will get me where I want.  So where does that leave me?  I’m not sure.

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Day 1: 587 days til I turn 30

For me, the question of “where do you see yourself in 5/10 years?” has always been ridiculous.  Historically, I’ve hardly been able to envision myself more than 6 months out.  But, after having been at my current job in one form or another for 3 years, I’m able to do some longer-term planning.  Which means I can try to tackle some longer term goals.  5 years still seems 2 far away, so I decided to go for 2 years.  And since I will be turning 30 in around that amount of time, I decided that is a better goal date.

So here are my goals.  There are (mostly) 3 of them, and they speak towards 3 different areas of my life.

1.  Spiritual.  Find a church in the area that I can call home.  Fine a small group/Bible study that I can also call home and that challenges me and helps me grow.  Work towards an active and discerning prayer life.

2.  Health.  Loose 60 pounds (from 230 to 170).  But more importantly, be able to be active.  Find an activity I like doing and make being active/exercise part of my life at least 5 days a week.  Be able to complete a 3 mile “run” at a decent clip without wanting to kill myself.

3.  Financial/Personal?.  Feel financially secure enough to move out of my parent’s house.  Have paid off a huge chunk of my college debt.  Have at least a 3k emergency fund.    Generally be more frugal and less frivolous.

I know I said three, but there’s a fourth one that is less official because I don’t really know as much how to go accomplishing or even measuring it.  Also, I think the other 3 are so big that it will be hard enough to focus on them.

4.  Social.  Meet some new people and maybe even go on a date.  Have a group of friends that I enjoy hanging out with and trust.  Make friends outside of work.

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Something to talk about?

I’ve been playing around with the idea of starting a fresh new blog for awhile.  I’ve also been playing around with the idea of some specific goals that I would like to accomplish, of the person I would like to be when I turn 30 in slightly less than 2 years.  So I think this will be a place where I can muse, record, and reflect the process of becoming.  We’ll see how that goes.  There may be fabric ninjas too.  There usually are in my world.

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